im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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