bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
