You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
