I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
