I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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