What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
