did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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