I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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