I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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