Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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