So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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