The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
