Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I currently don't understand fingers.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize