apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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