I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
