And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
