John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's like iHOP with fire
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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