My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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