Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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