That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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