He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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