It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
