I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
