Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
