Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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