Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
