my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize