last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
