"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
