I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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