I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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