i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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