lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
