I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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