I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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