I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
