When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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