Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
