Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
