did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize