I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
