at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
