I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
