Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
