You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
