so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
