Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
