mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
