Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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