i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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