I puked a lego.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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