brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
