Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize