I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
