Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
