What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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