I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
