i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize