He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
