Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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