Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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