wrigley field is MILF paradise
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
