I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
