Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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