$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
