i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
