i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
