big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
