Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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