This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize