talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
