I'm laying in your front yard are you home
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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