I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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