the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize