Welp...herpes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
