I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
