very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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