The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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