He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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