Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
