This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
