Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
