I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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