Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
