I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
