so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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