Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
