And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
