i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
