Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
