just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
