do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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