Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
